Christmas Sweater
by NullNoMore
Summary: It's Christmas and you know what that means - more ugly Christmas sweaters in Null's NLA. Today, Vandham is trying one on for size. Let's see how that turns out, shall we? Swears, and too many characters. All the good things belong to Monolith Soft, except for the New West Gate skell refueling station.


**Christmas Sweater**

 **a/n: Happy Holidays, from my increasingly AU NLA. Vandham is trying a new style. Let's see how that works out for him.**

 **Swears. Cheeky a/n at the bottom.**

 **All the good things belong to Monolith Soft, but Lila and her new skell refueling station by the West Gate are mine.**

* * *

 _0500, BLADE Tower, Morning Briefing._

Eleonora burst into laughter immediately. He would congratulate himself for predicting that later. Much later. "I'd ask if you got dressed in the dark, Jack, but I can't imagine any room being dark with that sweater in it."

"What? It's just a Christmas sweater."

"You look like a peppermint layer cake," she said.

The grey man in a grey suit, standing at the head of the conference table, added acidly, "I would have suggested barber's pole." Thank you, Maurice, thought Vandham grimly.

"It's the season and I'm trying to wear something festive. What about it?"

The third member of the meeting finally spoke. "It's very unlike you. I presume that Ms. Brown had something to do with the choosing." As far as he could tell, Nagi hadn't given him so much as a glance, having been busy reviewing today's reports. When he raised his eyes to examine Vandham's new outfit, his jaw twitched slightly.

"Yeah, she may be getting into decorating a little." Vandham ran a finger along the collar, stopping himself from tugging downward. If he started doing that, he might just tear the thing in half.

"Starting with yourself."

"I've seen you wear some weird get-ups after some bad bets," Vandham shot back.

"Never bets. Dares that I agreed to. A reward to teams that had earned the right to place them."

"Yeah, well, let's go with that. Someone chose it and I'm wearing it."

Xcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcportbabyportxcxcxcxcxcxcxcx

 _1000, Outfitters Hangar, Report on Anti-gravity Skell Augments._

"Alexa, pick it up. I don't have all day to watch you go into mech-induced trances," Vandham growled at the auburn haired Outfitter.

"Sorry, sorry, but .…" She hesitated and then blurted out. "What on Mira is going on with that sweater?"

"Christmas sweater. I'd think it'd be obvious, even for someone with your narrow focus." He took a deep breath and crossed his arms with difficulty. The sweater seemed to be growing in bulk with every hour. He glared down at her.

Years of skell obsession had made her immune to intimidation by bulk. "Yeah, but who convinced you to wear it?"

"It was dare. Happy?"

"So you accepted this? Did you not see it first? Man, boss, I would have thought your self-respect was worth more than that."

"Hey, maybe it made them feel better."

"They don't deserve it if they made you wear _that_ thing." Alexa suddenly became contemplative. "Now, if it was a gift, I could understand why you had to wear it. My aunt had the worst taste, but we'd still wear those socks she bought us." She grinned. "But only until we saw her car pull out of the driveway."

"Yeah, well, I gotta wear it, let's go with that."

Xcxcxcxcxcxcxohprettypleaseportxcxcxcxc

 _1400, BLADE Tower Entrance, Mission Review._

If he'd been disappointed in the politeness in NLA so far today, H.B. managed to make everyone else seem down-right angelic. "Commander! What is this monstrosity?"

"Shut your trap. It's a Christmas sweater."

"Frankly, I'm appalled. Your normal lack of uniform is problematic enough, but this … this …!"

"What's it to you? Someone gave it to me."

"That Lin, I expect. It matches her childish nature. But you don't have the same luxury, sir," H.B. lectured, tapping his comm device in rhythm to his harangue. "Foolishness on your part has real consequences."

"Like what?" Vandham demanded.

"It could be distracting. Or demoralizing!"

"Demoralizing?! How?! It's a goddamned sweater. People wear sweaters all the time."

"But not you! People could be concerned, or worried."

"About a SWEATER?!" Vandham rubbed his face in exasperation. "H.B., even for you, I think you're reaching. Be careful you don't pull a muscle or something, boy." He heaved yet another sigh, one of so many today. "Look, it's just a sweater. I've seen whole teams wear the things."

"Yes, but doing that as a group is different. It builds team identity and …" H.B.'s face darkened with suspicion. "Isn't the New West Station wearing matching sweaters right now?"

The collar was tightening again. "Uh, maybe…"

"Sir! You cannot let yourself be in any way connected with that crew of…"

Vandham's patience had worn out. "Watch it, H.B. So I'm an honorary member of the team. Let's leave it at that."

Xcxcxcxcxcxcxcportwithsweaterspleasexcxcxcxcxc

 _1900, BLADE barracks, Dinner Break._

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!" Vandham winced at Lin's violent and high pitched enthusiasm. "It looks amazing! Doesn't it look amazing, Tatsu?"

"Mamapon's sweaters much nicer."

"Shut up, turnip. Oh! Oh! Lemme put some ornaments on you too, Commander!"

He didn't need this. He'd just hoped to grab some food in a more private setting. He didn't need an entire restaurant gawking at his red and white striped self. How could he have forgotten that Lin and Tatsu were equal in volume to at least a dozen BLADEs? Each. He tried not to snap. "No."

"I promise to only use the littlest ones. Maybe a silver bird clipped to your shoulder?" She was practically skipping with glee. "Like a pirate, but Christmassy!" Mercifully, she paused, but only because she was laughing so hard.

"I said, no. It isn't for decoration. It's a kind of team thing."

"Team Tatsu need sweaters!" shouted the small alien. "Mamapon make even brighter ones. Excellent idea, muscle man!"

"I am not going to wear something as ugl-... uh, as distinctive as his sweater," Lin said hurriedly.

Mercifully, Elma finally stepped in, finishing Lin's incomplete save. "I don't think the Commander wants to be one of our team. He has his own connections. And the ornaments belong where they are: on the tree. Anyway, I smell something. Shouldn't you check on those biscuits, Lin?"

XcxcxcxcxcxcxcdoIneedtoevensayitxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxc

 _2200, New West Skell Refuelling Station, Off the Clock._

Lila Brown answered the knock on the door with limited curiosity. A question from the latest night shift manager (the third in as many weeks, sigh), or maybe the Quikiequikie Mart's owner with holiday sales figures. Instead, a large figure was attempting to lurk in the limited shadows of the quiet station. She looked at her visitor with surprise for a second before moving aside to let him in. His bulk warmed her otherwise depressingly cluttered office.

"Nice bomber jacket, sir. Don't think I've ever seen you in it before."

"Yeah, I dug it out of the back of my closet for the occasion. I brought back the sweater."

"Thank you." She accepted the neatly wrapped parcel and set it carelessly on her desk. "Can you stay a while?"

"Nope, I got a thing in a minute or two." He tugged at his mustache. "Your tech's not gonna mind that I wore his gift already?"

"Ricky-Bobby? No, he won't mind. He wasn't in today anyway, so it's not like he felt left out. You were lucky that he wasn't, you know." She smiled shyly at him. "I don't think any of my gear would have fit you."

His frown was terrific. "I've been going flat out all day, no chance to change, and I've had to come up with a new lie about the damn thing practically every minute. I hated all of it. I don't know how you did it, Lila."

She felt her face go blank and careful. The office felt much less like home than it had a second ago. "I have a talent for lying, I suppose."

"Aw, hell, Lila. I don't mean that. I meant, now I know how rotten it must have been, and you never let on. They don't know how good they had it, having you work security. And I know you're glad you're out of it. Bet it feels as good as when I took that sweater off."

The way his mustache lifted when he grinned made her smile in return, and the industrial night was driven farther away again. "I don't know why anyone would comment on it. Spills happen, and you needed something else to wear."

"Shoot, I should have used that line from the start." He laughed. "Well, I will say it was eye-opening, and it gave me an excuse to dig this thing out." He shook his arms a little. "I'd forgotten how nice it was to have something to cut the breeze. I can't believe I got used to it in only one day."

"So we should get used to your new style?"

"Hell no. By this time tomorrow, I'll be wearing my best tank top, same as always."

"Maybe a Christmas one?"

"Not in a million years."

* * *

 **a/n: To review: Lila is Vandham's ex and has started a new skell refueling station in the Industrial Sector (someday I'll get that mess up, someday). They've recently (Inktober 2019) become closer again. How close? I am not saying another word, but Lila's got it easy because no one noticed she's wearing a turtleneck under her coveralls.**

 **Have a safe and happy and cozy New Year, and do not listen to anyone who says boo about whatever you want to wear, okay?**

 **Hey! Hey!**  
 **Do you know what would be a fabulous present?**  
 **A port of XCX to Switch** **  
I need to write a letter to Santapon**


End file.
